A Letter To The One Who Doesn’t Know How They Feel…

To The One Who Doesn’t Know How They Feel,

It’s hard when your pain doesn’t have a name. When it’s not heartbreak, when it’s not sorrow, when it’s not anger, or fear, or hopelessness.

When it’s all of those things but not exactly; when it’s grief and overwhelm and at the same time nothing at all. When it’s a weary tired soul, an almost dead inside, can’t feel anything at all, but feeling everything too much, too deep, too far.

And it feels as if everyone is here, but when you reach out, the bodies that you thought were bodies billow into smoke. What are you to do when you feel such a way?

I must share with you what I think may be happening.

Your worlds are colliding. Those multiple realities inside of your head, the different narratives, the safe and unsafe stories have all been triggered and all the screens are playing at once. 

Maybe, maybe this is it. You have to choose where you want to be. But it’s not easy, because which one is trustworthy? Which one is real? 

You were told so many stories of who you were and what you needed to be in order to be happy that finding the right one now feels tricky.

Who was right about you? Whose life should you choose?

I cannot answer this for you, only you can know, but I have a question: were any of those created by you? For you? Bits and pieces maybe. 

Use your intuition, it is the only part of you that has your best in mind only and always. 

I know it’s hard to feel so many things and nothing at all. So I must remind you of something that is easy to forget.

It is your choice which story you want to keep playing in your mind. You are not powerless, though some of these stories reek of powerlessness. 

Make the choice how ever many times you need to. It won’t be easy but you must continue.

For you, you must continue.

Love, 

Another soul who feels too much.